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 My campaignfor LAB Regional Director |
| Top: bikexprt.com home page Up: my campaign Previous: the Bike-Ed manual Next: Bike-Ed at rallies |
My campaign for LAB Regional Director |
| This page was first posted as part of my 2003 campaign for New York-New
England Regional Director of the League of American Bicyclists. I am keeping the campaign
pages online, with brief additional comments (here, inside the box), for the information
of League members. LAB member Riley Geary had the following comments about this page and following pages:
Well-taken...but in defense of myself, I felt that I had to provide specific examples to make my case. Also See Geary's additional comments on another page. |
Pages from the Bike-Ed Manual --
|
| The page shown is part of a tracking document -- the modern, word-processing
equivalent of old-fashioned proofreaders' marks, only much better, allowing a
writing/editing team to work together efficiently on a document. A tracking document uses
different colors of text to identify the work of different contributors, The three-column table below contains all the information in the tracking document; or you may download the complete tracking document in Rich Text Format (41 kB). Most modern word processors can open documents in this format. You may read my comments with an eye to issues of content, as well as grammar. But I don't hold out my rewrite as final. Many issues might be addressed only through a review of the entire manual by people with different insights, working as a team. The quality of the completed and published manual speaks for itself. So you can confirm that I have not made anything up, I have posted scanned images of the pages which I edited. Next: Bike-Ed at Rallies. |
Text as published |
Comments |
John Allen's rewrite |
[1] IntroductionBegin class by introducing yourself. Include[2] your name, your affiliation, how long you have been involved in advocacy or education and thank everyone for coming.[3] Ask everyone to introduce themselves,[4] why they are attending the seminar and what they hope to get out of it. Make a mental note or write some of these reasons on the board/flipchart.[5] Acknowledge everyone individually as they finish speaking to let the next person know that it is their turn[6]. |
[1] What is the title of
the chapter supposed to be? There is no title at the top of the page. The title in the
Table of Contents is "Bicycle Education" (which should be "bicycling
education") for the same reason that we don't talk about "boat education."
We talk about "boating instruction," because people, not boats, are being
educated. But also, the chapter starts with advice on introductions between students and instructor, which do not fall under the chapter heading. I would suggest that material in this chapter belongs in more than one chapter. [2] The word "include" doesn't refer back to anything. [3] Run-on sentence. Make the words "...and thank everyone for coming" into a separate sentence to correct the problem. [4] Subject-verb disagreement: "everyone" is singular, "themselves" is plural. Incorrect word usage: people can not "introduce" why they are attending the seminar. [5]Board/flipchart: it would be useful to have a list of instructional materials before this point in the text, or a reference to a list elsewhere, so the instructor will know what to have ready for the class. [6] I have corrected a subject/verb disagreement, as well as an unnecessary repetition. |
Chapter title??IntroductionsBegin the class by introducing yourself. Give your name and affiliation, and say how long you have been involved in advocacy. Thank everyone for coming. Ask students to introduce themselves. Ask them to describe why they are attending the seminar and what they hope to get out of it. Make a mental note or write some of these reasons on the board/flipchart. Acknowledge each student individually, to let the next student know that it is his or her turn. |
| Explain the content that will be covered during the seminar[7]. Walk participants through the outline and schedule. Note the location of restrooms and services available[8]. Due to time constraints, tell participants that you will try and answer questions during meals and breaks[9]. | [7] More redundancy. The
content is what will be covered during the seminar. [8] The word "available" is redundant, and restrooms are facilities, not services. [9] "Try and" is grammatically incorrect, and indicates a weak commitment to students. But also, questions and answers increase student involvement. Most questions can be answered during class, when all students are present. Break times are suitable for assisting an individual whose bicycle has a mechanical problem, for example. Meal times are good for wider-ranging discussion, if the entire class can be kept together. |
Explain the content of the seminar. Walk participants through the outline and schedule. Point out the locations of restrooms and other facilities. Tell students that you welcome questions, but that long answers may have to wait until lunch break. Students should stay together during lunch so they can all participate. You will assist individuals during breaks. |
| Ask the class for reasons why they ride[10]. These reasons will differ from the original reasons why they gave for enrolling in the class. Mention the differences. Point out how riding isn't just about jumping on a bike and pedaling around[11]. There are rules that everyone must understand. Through this understanding, everyone will be able to relax and ride with confidence[12]. | [10] "Reasons
why" is grammatically incorrect. "Class" is singular, "they" is
plural. [11] To "jump on a bike" is to lay it on the ground and stomp on it. And the correct technique to get on a bicycle does not involve jumping at all. [12] The class does not include "everyone". |
Ask the students why they ride. The reasons given will differ from the original reasons for enrolling in the class. Mention the differences. Point out that there is more to riding about a bicycle than getting onto it and pedaling around. There are rules that everyone must understand. Through this understanding, students will be able to relax and ride with confidence. |
Learning ObjectivesAt the conclusion of this seminar, you will be able to[13]:
|
[13] I have made it clear that the list addresses the instructor, rather than the students. But there is also an issue of flow here; this topic is more general than that of introductions and should probably be in a different chapter. I have also corrected a couple of errors in the list: "adult" was used instead of "adults" and "education" instead of "educational" -- though "educational" was used correctly on the previous line. Variety is the spice of life? | Learning ObjectivesAt the conclusion of this seminar, you as an instructor will be able to:
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start page 2-2 |
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Principles of Traffic LawUnderstanding the basic premises[14] behind traffic laws will help you understand how to operate[15] in any traffic situation. Operating your bicycle in accordance with these principles will decrease the likelihood of being involved in a crash. All road users expect each other to act in accordance with these principles to avoid conflict.[16] |
[14] A
"premise" can be arbitrary but a "principle" has to be based on
reasoned analysis. [15] The word "operate" is traffic-engineering jargon and is confusing if not introduced in the expression "operate your vehicle." Many people will first think that it refers to surgery. [16] I moved this sentence to make the paragraph flow better. |
Principles of Traffic LawUnderstanding the basic principles of traffic law will help you understand how to ride your bicycle in any traffic situation. All road users expect each other to act in accordance with these principles to avoid conflict. Riding your bicycle in accordance with these principles will decrease the likelihood of a crash. |
| [17] | [17] The distinction between vehicle operators and pedestrians is very important and must be made here, because bicyclists often endanger themselves and others by thinking of themselves as pedestrians. | Vehicles and pedestriansTwo categories of road users -- vehicle operators and pedestrians -- follow different rules. Under the traffic law, bicyclists are vehicle operators, though bicyclists may dismount and walk with their bicycles as pedestrians. On some paths and sidewalks, bicyclists and pedestrians may use the same travel space, but then bicyclists must take special care. |
First Come, First Served [18]Vehicles traveling in a certain lane are entitled to the space in that lane plus reasonable distance in front and behind for safety.[19] If you wish to move into that space, you must yield to the vehicle already using it.[20] |
[18] This heading is
subordinate to the heading "Principles of Traffic Law" and should be in a
different and smaller size of print. The same is true of all the remaining headings on
this page!!! [19] Bicyclists may need to use only part of a lane, so it is inappropriate to use the word "lane" alone. The word "plus" is wrong because length and width are at a right angle to each other and can not be added. [20] The sentence is all upside down about the concept of yielding. You must not move into another vehicle's space. To yield, you wait for it to vacate the space into which you want to move. |
First Come, First ServedVehicles are entitled to the lane width they need, and to a reasonable distance in front and behind for safety. A vehicle operator must wait (yield right of way) rather than to move into the safety space of a different vehicle. |
Ride on the RightDrivers of vehicles, bicyclists and motorists,[21] must drive on the right-hand side of the roadway. This isn't England.[22] No motorist expects traffic to travel against him or her, unless they turned the wrong way down a one-way street.[23] Avoid this common crash type and ride with traffic.[24] |
[21] "Drivers of
vehicles, bicyclists and motorists"??? It is possible to drive a herd of sheep or
cattle, but hardly possible to drive bicyclists or motorists. Oh, there's a second comma.
Good writing avoids yanking people in the wrong direction and then pulling them back into
line. [22] There is no antecedent for "this". Besides, a person in England -- or India, or Japan, or Australia, or New Zealand... -- could very well read the manual. [23] This sentence is a quagmire. It implies that people only travel the wrong way intentionally. There's a noun/pronoun disagreement: "motorist"/"they". And not only motorists but also other vehicle operators and pedestrians are surprised by wrong-way operation. [24] What common crash type? Several crash types result from riding opposite traffic. None have been mentioned. The word "and" is incorrect too. |
Ride on the RightIn most countries, drivers of vehicles, including bicyclists, must drive on the right-hand side of the roadway. (A few countries follow the English rule: all drivers must keep left). Traveling opposite traffic puts you where people do not expect you, and makes it impossible to read signs and signals. Many common crash types result from riding opposite the flow of traffic. |
Traffic Control DevicesSigns that affect the flow and order of traffic, including stop and yield signs, signals and lane markings,[25] all contribute to making the roads safer for all users. Obey these devices as other users can predict your actions and act accordingly.[26] |
[25] A signal is not a
sign. [26] A device can not be obeyed; "as" is the wrong word here. |
Traffic Control DevicesSigns, signals and lane markings, contribute to making the roads safer for all users. Heed the signs so that your actions are predictable. |
Speed PositioningParked cars are up against the curb and the fastest traffic is closest to the centerline.[27] Ride to the right of faster moving vehicles.[28] Ride to the left of slower moving vehicles.[29] Avoid passing stopped or parked cars on the right. |
[27] This sentence is
awkward because it doesn't mention slower vehicles, and because the verb "to be"
("are", "is") does not convey the impression of motion. Sometimes the
fastest traffic crosses the centerline. [28] This sentence is absurd because it is the operators of the faster moving vehicles who decide whether they can overtake. [29]Awkward -- you sometimes must slow and follow rather than to ride to the left. |
Speed PositioningSlow traffic keeps to the right and faster traffic overtakes on the left. Avoid passing stopped or parked cars on the right. |
Intersection PositioningAt an intersection, turning vehicles line up at the location on the roadway that allows others not going in that direction to continue on.[30] Right-turning vehicles turn from the right side of the roadway, left from the left, straight-through vehicles in the middle.[31] |
[30]Vehicles line up
before the intersection, not at the intersection. Also, this sentence is unnecessarily
complicated. [31] This says that vehicles should cross to the left side of the street to turn left and drive down the middle of the street to go straight; also that all vehicles are turning, even those that are going straight. |
Intersection PositioningAs they approach an intersection, vehicles merge to the correct positions for their destinations. Right-turning vehicles proceed from the right side of the roadway; left-turning vehicles, from just to the right of the centerline, and straight-through vehicles, from an intermediate position. |
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Contents © 2002, John S. Allen |